All Women are Worthy

Media has a long standing tradition of teaching women we are only worth something based on a level of conventional attractiveness and how quietly we sit and smile. We learn this from the time we’re very young when we must wear the pretty dress and have our hair just right while we silently smile and act like a good girl at family gatherings. Our parents instill that in us along with that oh so dangerous idea that if a relative wants a hug or kiss on the cheek well then we must comply. We’re conditioned to believe we’re objects, to be seen and never heard. Good girls don’t have tangled hair, muddy clothes or refuse to smile and say no. But is that entirely our parents fault? Nope, they learned it from their parents and so on and so on but over the last 100 years media has perpetrated these messages and created a society defined by media standards. Doesn’t matter if it’s in print, movies, photographs, tv or music. All of it over the last millennia has taught us just how we should be and it’s fucking bullshit!

The messages are everywhere and their confusing as hell so it’s no wonder that the women I work with regularly still have massive insecurities and hang ups about their bodies and value. They worry that they’re too fat, too thin, too old, don’t have big enough boobs, have the wrong hair, wrong skin color, wrong style, aren’t of value because they aren’t fully able bodied or whatever else you can think of. It’s so much and it’s exhausting because regardless of the factor it all comes down to one issue…weren’t not worthy. If we’re too old or overweight or not the right skin color we have no right to be seen as sexy. If we’re young and thin and have conventionally beautiful features then we’re only allowed to be sexy for men but we’re still sluts because of that. If we don’t dress sexy then we automatically get the label that we’re some kind of feminazi out to destroy men or just simply not womanly enough and we should try harder. On the other end of this when we do find a male partner we’re supposed to be hyper sexual for him. But only him and only when he initiates it and certainly only for him to see. If we’re bisexual or lesbian then that’s only “hot” if we’re putting on a show for men to see otherwise we’re disgusting.

It’s all too much and it’s no wonder we all feel some sort of constant shame, insecurity and doubt ourselves. The media does a damn good job of pushing us down and at the same time making us spend billions of dollars on changing our appearance and buying products, clothing and such to fit in. But it’s never enough and we still feel somehow less then. In my coaching group, the women I teach are constantly wondering how they break free from this messaging when it shoved down our throats rapid fire on a daily basis. It’s hard to give them an answer because I’m working against a force much larger then myself. I’m essentially one rebellion jet going at a Death Star. But all of us Star Wars nerds know that in fact one rebel fighter took down an entire Death Star so there’s hope. What I tell them is to on a daily basis compliment themselves, dance and move for themselves and compliment each other. Find a way to share their voice and spend time with themselves learning to love their bodies. If they can love their physical self they can slowly learn to love the inside too. If they do that while finding ways to stand up for and light up other women then it’ll spread and overtime we can break down the media machine. Right now our society is at a turning point. There’s powers trying to take us back and powers trying to break us free and we just need to get in the habit of feeding the right wolf. I see women everyday that are starting to push forward so if we stand behind them and with them we can transform our world for the better. The men out there who support us can help by continuing to hear us, validate us and support us by making sure we know we are worthy as is. It’s gonna take a lot of work but we can do it and then we’ll have created a future where every woman is given a voice.

Finding the Beauty in the Darkness 🌹

Sometimes life throws a shit storm your way. Like legit proverbial shit storm that feels like the end is near! It’s so easy when life feels like it’s kicking you in gut while you’re already down to give up. It’s even easier to believe that nothing good can come from the bad. You get completely into a state of self defeat and can believe that there’s no way out. You can even get into a state of believing you must deserve whatever is going wrong. I’m totally guilty of that and it’s something I still work on.

When shit hits the fan though that’s the best time to look for the good. When everything’s going wrong you’ll find that it was probably never right to begin with. It’s the universes way of saying it’s time to move on but how you react to it makes all the difference. I’m one of those people that the moment things blow up I first need to cry, scream and feel like the world is ending. But with either coaxing from loved ones or myself I open my eyes to the reality of the situation and see the opportunity to do better, find better and surround myself with better. Anytime something has failed or I’ve had a major conflict with someone and I sit back and really look at the situation I can find that it wasn’t right ever. The person I have conflict with wasn’t right to work with and there were red flags from day one, a relationship wasn’t solid from the start, a situation had lots of problems I’d ignored. You can only ignore the signs for so long till the universe will force you to pay attention. When it does finally wake you up you have two choices. You can either give up and continue to let things get worse or you can see the lesson and start getting honest with yourself from day one about what you really want.

Not everything goes right all the time but it doesn’t mean it all goes bad either. If you find the good in the bad you can usually find better. Every time I’ve opened my eyes to what really didn’t work in the first place I’ve let go of what didn’t work. Then I’ve found something or someone better and life improved, my mindset and progress within myself improved. So when things go wrong step back, see the situation for what it really is and you will find a way out. Life is full of ups and downs and it’s so easy to forget that there’s so much good. In the immortal words of Ferris Bueller “life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in awhile you could miss it”. Take the bad and find the good and then find the way into the great 💗

What Shakira and JLo did for women everywhere!

So the Super Bowl happened and while I couldn’t tell you a damn thing about the game I watched every bit of that half time show at least 20 times by now. It was incredible for so many reasons and for women all over the world it was a statement loud and clear. There were multiple political statements represented especially during Jlo’s piece with the children and we could talk at length about the political messages but I wanna talk about the messages for women. Shakira and JLo are 43 and 50 respectively, 43 and 50 and they look freaking amazing!!! These women performed at a level that most dancers their ages have stopped doing because the toll it takes on your body is intense. They didn’t just perform well for women their ages, they performed well period. They showed that women over 40 aren’t suddenly old, dried up matronly figures.

For women every where that was a clear message that age doesn’t mean a damn thing. They were strong, sexy and powerful as hell and what an incredible message for us all. So much of our media tells us that over 40 we seize to be sexy and should start hiding away from the world. It’s ridiculous because we women of a certain age don’t suddenly stop feel sensual and sexual as we age. Not at all and last night those two goddesses made that super clear. JLo has most likely at least started peri menopause and yet she is still clearly a very sensual being so all those media messages saying otherwise can suck it! But these women are also mothers. As a mom myself I can’t tell you how often we are conditioned to believe that as mothers we stop having an identity outside of our children. We are supposed to become almost asexual beings that live only for our children. It’s part of what causes so much depression in moms because we start loosing our identities, doing things for ourselves. These two moms reminded the world that mothers can be both incredible, giving moms and women who have goals and dreams and still be sexy as hell.

They showed little girls around the world that owning your body and the way you represent it is powerful and makes you powerful. For the young Latin girls that sang on stage with JLo and her daughter Emme they got to make their beautiful voices heard. So often little girls are taught to be pretty and sit quietly in a corner. Not last night! Those girls were encouraged to shine. For all little girls that was an important message but for little brown girls around the world it was a much needed one. The representation of the girls in cages was very much a slam at this administrations disgusting practice of locking young Latin children in cages. The girls coming out of the cages as they sang Let’s Get Loud became an anthem both for the injustices going on in our country and for girls and women everywhere to stop being silent and start making their voices loud and heard. It was breathtaking and the displays of Latin and middle eastern culture made us all remember this country is a melting pot and there’s so much diversity in the world.

Now I can’t leave out the pole dancing because as a 21 year veteran pole dancer it filled me with pride to see it represented at such a large scale event. The pole dancers on that stage were exhibiting beautifully executed high level tricks. JLo may have only do a few modest tricks but given she was holding a mic and singing I’d never expect more. But what she did do was show the world pole is a beautiful artistic expression and for that I’m eternally grateful. I’ve seen so many people take issue with it but honestly all of it was extremely tasteful and really pole dancing isn’t inherently dirty. We only perceive it that way because people have insecurities and issues they project out. Strippers and sex workers in general are often vilified and really it’s time to stop. Expressing yourself in a sensual way isn’t degrading if it’s something as a woman you feel safe and comfortable with. JLo feels empowered by pole dancing, moving sensually and dressing in sexy outfits and as women we should be celebrating her right to do that. I sure as hell am and I’m so glad this is stirring a conversation about so many aspects of the performance.

In short, these women absolutely rocked it and deserve to feel utter pride in what they put out there. I hope this is a jumping off point for much more discussion about age, motherhood, sensuality, women of color, injustices and so much more that need way more positive discussion then they’ve been given. If you haven’t checked out the full show check it out below and I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Why are we so scared of female desire?!

A few days ago on my Instagram I posted this photo and a quick discussion about experiencing desire as a woman. Within an hour I lost several followers. I’m not stating that to have a woah is me moment. I talk about a lot of things but female sexuality and desire is a big one so if you don’t like that well…I’m not for you! But no I’m not posting that so I can whine about it. I’m saying it to make a point which is that female sexuality and desire scares the shit out of people. Other women to be particular. In the sixteen, nearly seventeen years I’ve taught pole dancing, exotic movement and empowerment I have seen waaaay more women be judgmental, afraid, scared of and even down right angry at displays of desire and sensuality by other women. I’ve been asked to perform pole for events only to see women in the audience glare at myself and any fellow performers. I’ve seen them become so angry they’ve attempted to make us fall off the pole potentially risking severe injury.

Ladies I love you with all my heart but it’s time to stop this vicious cycle of behavior. You know what I’m talking about too. It’s this cycle where one women will break free from patriarchal ideas that women are for men only, that we must have babies, be good girls but sluts for our husbands, sit down, shut up and stay in our pretty pink lanes. A mob of you will then come after her, shame, ridicule, diminish, disempower, bully and even harass her for living her unapologetic existence. Fuck that!!! We talk about men being the oppressors and while there’s plenty that are, there are just as many if not more women willing to become near violently enraged about sexual empowerment. But why? Why are so many women so damn angry about other women living their best sexual lives? Is it fear? Is it jealousy? Or is it something else? I tend to lean towards the idea of fear. Yes jealousy is in there but jealousy stems from fear as does hate.

I’ve taught thousands of women now and I can say with confidence that I have come across so many women who from early on were taught to think of their bodies as dangerous, dirty vessels used only to procreate. We live in a world where if a woman is assaulted she’s immediately made to play a game of twenty questions about what she wore, how she acted, who she was with. How gross is that?! Super gross and it’s also super sad because we’re over here feeling hurt, scared, confused, sad and people are coming at us like we wanted to feel that. We are told to be virginal but then when we get married but sexual for our husbands but not too sexual because that’s wrong. What a bunch of confusing fucked up ideas right?! We’re dangerous alright but in the way we think. When you empower a woman to see herself as she truly is, a goddess with the ability to experience otherworldly amounts of pleasure who can create life, she no longer lives by the rules placed on her.

That’s scary as hell to women who’ve been conditioned to believe all the horrible things about themselves they’ve been taught. So of course we have other women raging out about our expressed desire. That doesn’t make it ok but honestly it’s basically like taking the red pill in the matrix. Waking up from the ideas you’ve been told by everyone, many times even your own mother, is scary as hell. It challenges you to think differently about everything and everyone. This virginal idea that we are only good when we sit quietly and pretend we don’t feel desire, lust, pleasure and all the other delicious feelings we’re capable of is bullshit. But it’s bullshit we’re fed from an early age and that takes a lot to unpack. Many of us are so conditioned to believe things about our body that we experience numbness or pain even because we have no idea how to really work with our bodies. So for those of you living your best sexual desire-filled lives be kind and patient with your fellow sisters. It’s so easy to just say “she’s just a hater” and walk away but you have a responsibility to understand that woman “hating” on you has a lot of conditioning she believes.

Be open to having a conversation with her and one filled with love and compassion. For those of you shaming or becoming angry at women like me who are desire filled, pussy loving, orgasm loving goddesses openly expressing and talking about our desire and passion I challenge you. I challenge you to dive deep and ask yourself why your so upset by our displays. Why you want to turn away instantly or unfollow? Figure that out and we’ll be here with open arms and hearts because that journey to understanding your distaste can be filled with pain, confusion and anger. It’s ok, but know that whatever you’ve been taught isn’t your fault. I give you permission to explore your feelings about your own body and desire. You also have permission afterwards to live in whatever way feels best for you just try to watch the judgment on any of us open to exploring in our own way.

Celebrate your wins

How often are you celebrating the successes you have in life? Do you even truly pay attention to what you’ve accomplished and take pride in that? If not, why the hell not?!

Celebrating your success is vital for 1. Appreciating what you’ve already accomplished 2. Bringing more successes into your life because your giving gratitude for the ones you’ve already achieved and 3. Your building confidence in yourself when you see what you’ve already done. Not all success has to be career or 💰 related (those are nice though 😉) but it’s any success! Regardless of how big or small you perceive the success it’s still valid and important to take note of. This is something that many of us struggle with because it’s so much easier to get in the mindset of checking things off a list and moving onto the next item. Taking time to really notice what you’ve accomplished gives you a chance to be present and see what you’re truly capable of. When you don’t pay attention to your wins and you have a moment in life where something isn’t going right something happens. In that moment, you begin doubting yourself and your abilities. You stop thinking of yourself as someone capable. This leads to some serious issues that stops your life successes.

So what can you do to celebrate the wins? Anything you want but make sure you do it! This doesn’t necessarily mean buying yourself something or taking yourself on an elaborate dinner. I’m not a fan of spending outside your means so make sure you do something that fits your budget. But find some way to celebrate each month when you look back at what you’ve accomplished. Let’s say your goal was to develop a better night time routine, stay off social media except designated times, start a blog or podcast, finish a work project. Whatever it is if you did it reward yourself for it! I personally love doing things like having a little living room dance party, treating myself to a yoga class or lunch out or if it fits my budget getting myself something I really want. I keep a planner where I set my intentions for the month and then have a list of things I want to accomplish each week. Everyday if I accomplish five things on my list I give myself a big W for the win and at the end of my month I look over everything to see what I’ve accomplished. If I achieved what I wanted to achieve I decide how I wanna celebrate 🎉 and do it!

Try it for yourself and see how much it changes your outlook on what you can do and how much more you can do!

What depression teaches you

This is kind of a dark topic to finish out the decade when there’s so much excitement for the new one but whatever, I never do things in the normal order. Honestly, in some ways it’s the perfect time because as you start to think about what you want for your new year you have to eliminate things you don’t want. For me, the last several years has been the most transformative of my life and I’ve been through some shit but this last period…talk about change! I’d like to say that all the transformation came from just simply deciding to work on myself and keep improving but it’s not. Most people don’t go through a transformation without having some sort of dark night of the soul. My start was dark, as dark as it’s ever been, and it was not pretty. Of course no one ever fully realizes how shitty the process of self development is till your in it. We hear people say it’s a rough road to get there but until your in the trenches you have no fucking idea how ugly they can be.

So how did my journey start? It started with everything breaking down around me to a point I found myself in the hospital under suicide watch. Not many people know that, well honestly more than I wanted knew due to the betrayal of someone I’d once trusted but we’ll get to that. Regardless, yes I was in the hospital for an attempted suicide and I lied to get myself out. For the record, the hospital I went to was a horrible place and all I had to do to get out was say that I wasn’t a danger to myself or others. That’s it, no actual therapy or talk just say yes or no and your out. In truth, I was very much still a danger to myself but after witnessing and experiencing some of the poor treatment in there I wanted the fuck out. So I lied, went home to my crumbling life and tried to continue hiding how bad things were for fear of being readmitted. The day after I got out I sat through an entire four hour conversation with my now ex-fiancé yelling at me, telling me everything I was doing wrong and ultimately leaving me. The whole time my thoughts were doing the cycle they’d been doing of say things like “see you are unloveable, no one wants you or to deal with you, your just a burden and hated and really are you doing anything good for this world? You’re not, you can’t provide for your daughter the way you should, people hate you and want to see you fail, you’re alone, no one cares, you should just leave this world, it’s too painful here just leave it’ll be better for everyone if your dead”.

Yep that was the stream of thought in my head and in the car after that long conversation my only thought was “you could just run yourself off the road and it’d be so easy and everything wouldn’t hurt so much anymore”. I don’t know how or why I didn’t but I drove myself home and slept. I slept because it was the only thing stopping me since I had no intention of going back under observation. If I was gonna leave this world I was gonna make sure I wasn’t getting stopped but I was being watched heavily by my dad and my poor daughter who in my mind would’ve been so much better off without me. While all this is going on a breakdown was still happening within my business that started an avalanche and my decline. I’d spent years giving myself to my business and what I’d initially created it to be had completely changed into something I didn’t want. I let so many other people determine what it was, how it functioned just to make them happy that I had lost all passion for it. I’d gone through an assault by a former client a few years before that I was so ashamed of I still hadn’t received help for it. It wasn’t my fault but I still felt shame and that event led to me closing myself off. I trusted no one anymore, I hardly ever went out anymore but because of the utter loneliness I felt and need to liked by someone, anyone I latched on to the people around. That would’ve been staff and a few long term students that became staff. This was the biggest mistake I’d ever made and biggest lesson of my life.

The staff I latched onto I’d developed a rapport with and relationship with but it was one that had no boundaries and one where I asked for no respect as a boss. When I needed to talk about something, instead of going to the friends that had been in my life, I’d isolated myself and talked to my staff. So that meant if there was an issue with a staff member the only other people I had to talk to about it were their peers. The problem with this is obvious but for someone who was still hurting so bad over being violated and betrayed, then shunned by a few people that did know about my assault, I didn’t see that. I’d finally gotten into a relationship again but so much of me was still closed off because I couldn’t fully trust and having a partner that scolded me anytime I needed to vent just made me shut down further. So there’s just a whole shit show of problems with all of this and in the middle of it I’d made bad decisions within my studio financially. I added unlimited memberships to make people happy which by the way is the worst decision any small boutique studio can ever make and I was paying my staff way more than was affordable or deserved. They were coming in teaching using programming I created, advertised for, paid for in a place that I paid for and ran but I was paying them more then I paid myself because again I latched on.

So all of this boiled down to major financial strain that basically was on the verge of ending me. One instructor, who I’d become particularly close with was unhappy and started reaching out to the others. She’d offered to do an event for the studio that she wanted to put on and let the studio keep the profit but afterwards, and because admittedly I was behind, decided she did want the money from it. It wasn’t there because I had used it to start getting ahead on things but she wanted it. In this whole timeline I’d set all my staff up to believe they were more important then me and I had molded everything to what they wanted all the while loosing my dreams for it, feeling like I couldn’t tell them when they were screwing up because they’d get mad and leave and having absolutely no boundaries. This ended with said former employee going to each of the other staff members and telling them I’d said horrible things about them. She’d stepped down already and was reaching out but at this point what she didn’t realize was that I was in a state of depression so deep I couldn’t get out and was trying to figure out how to kill myself. She didn’t know but the shit storm had started and one by one many of my employees started coming down on me. Why? Because I allowed all of it and things were so out of control that I couldn’t see a way out. So I ended up in my car driving to a damn and on the ledge ready to jump when I was found by police and subsequently taken to the hospital.

All of this led to me being ordered into therapy which honestly is where I should’ve been before but money had been the issue and well it’s really hard to think of getting help when you believe the worlds just better without you. But I started therapy and yes everything was breaking down and it broke down more through this whole thing. But as I was going through this whole process of finding myself again I learned so much valuable information. I learned that giving everything you think people around you want will not make them love or stick by you. I learned that putting everyone before me leaves me empty. I learned that letting others decide what’s best for me and my business only ends with me feeling used, hurt and alone when they don’t get their way anymore. I also learned how much I needed to lean on the people that truly cared about me and stop settling for people that didn’t have my best interest at heart. I also learned that hiding from the traumas I’ve been through doesn’t fucking work and the problems your going through cannot be dealt with alone.

I have dealt with strong feelings of failure throughout this journey and sadness knowing some people utterly hate me. That has always been something I’ve struggled with given I grew up with a mom that hated me. I don’t like the feeling which is why I always tried to make others happy even when it destroyed me in the process. Getting past that is something I constantly work on but as shitty as it all was I don’t think I would’ve ever gotten to a place where I actually faced the real problems had I not gone through this. Depression will teach you so much and I’m certainly not advocating going through that. I wouldn’t wish being in that place on anyone because it fucking sucks! But, like it or not, it can be the thing that finally gets you to a place where you finally start living for yourself. That will mean people will leave and they won’t support your journey. The people you let walk over you or get more from you than you’re comfortable with will end up hating you. They’ll hate you because you’re not allowing them to be more important than you or get away with things you were never ok with. You may loose your partner which looking back who wants to be with a partner that shames you for needing to vent or lean on them when your falling apart? No one in their right mind needs that and sometimes you have to loose your mind to get in your right mind. Depression sucks and it’s certainly a long road through it and out of it but it can teach you so much if you let it. The trick is once you learn the lessons you don’t repeat them. I hurt and scared my family so much with this and that’s the only thing I still struggle with. But everything I’ve been through has led me on a path to finally understanding what I really need and want in my life and that is an invaluable lesson.

Moms Gone Fishin’

I’m the mother of an incredible eighteen year old daughter who I’ve raised pretty much on my own aside from the help of dad. So being a single mom I didn’t have a partner to take over when I wanted some me time. I did, however, have a great dad who would watch Angel when I worked, went to classes and out occasionally. But being a single mom and one who had her daughter at the age of 20 let me tell you time alone was difficult! Even with a partner getting a few minutes alone to go to the bathroom can be an utter miracle or a sign of end of days…take your pick. Being a young mama though I was looked at with judgment often, especially considering based on great genetics and skin care people think at nearly 40 I look anywhere from 23-30. Other moms would give me looks like I was some product of trailer park living and had no education on birth control, abstinence or morals. Trying to fit in with the PTA moms when she was in elementary school went out the window quickly. Not just because they tended to not speak to me but because after some time of listening to them I had no desire to fit in with them.

When Angel was very little I was doing everything I could to be the ideal mom because I’d already given her a shit show of a dad that I left before she was two. I also was young and hearing the judgments of the world about how young moms were usually shitty parents. So I took Angel to library book readings and activities, metro park classes, museum classes, zoo classes. I took her to all these places and more pretty much daily and outside of college and working I made her my whole world. I didn’t go out really for over I’d say six years. Like not even for a haircut or massage and certainly not out with friends. My life was for her and if I could take her with me I did. It was the most unhealthy thing I’ve ever done and it backfired big time. Now don’t think I regretted taking her to all those activities because I didn’t. I gave her experiences my own mom never would’ve and it’s helped mold her into the compassionate, intelligent person she is. What I regret though is what I did to myself and what happened after those six years that effected us both.

After six years of making my daughter my entire world I snapped. I started going out one to two times a week which doesn’t sound like an obscene amount but let me explain why it was a problem. I was going out drinking and dancing with people I’d met through mutual friends and drinking way more then I wanted. I started “dating” again and we’ll call it dating because so much of it was hooking up with guys after a date or two I did not like and some I didn’t even go on a date with. I was hooking up with a guy for two months I couldn’t fucking stand for fucks sake! I was so lonely and desiring adult interaction, friendship, companionship that I was just giving myself over to anyone who paid me attention and doing things that really brought me no joy. In that two year period of going out like crazy I was also going through a long and just utterly damaging custody battle that’s a story for another time. I’ll just say in the five year battle he finally just walked away which is what he wanted to do all along anyway and it was the best thing he ever did for Angel. But I was living a life outside of being a mom that made me feel like a bad mom and ended with a sexual assault that’s taken me years to overcome (again a story for another day).

I didn’t get to do my early twenties like most people do and tried to make up for it in a way that didn’t make me feel any better. The problem wasn’t having a life and identity outside of my child. The problem was I waited so long to give myself that that I was lost and not filling myself up. So I stopped going out in that way and threw myself into work and her and went out very little. While my situation may be slightly different from the average mom the theme is the same. It’s the theme of putting your kids and everyone else before you! It’s what I consider an epidemic among moms and why so many mamas suffer from secret depressions, sadness, regret and so much more. As moms we tend to forgo our own needs and give some type of excuse for when we give to ourselves. How many of you mamas have gone out for a friend date and immediately told your friends your husband or partner was babysitting the kids because you’ve been doing xy and z? Probably a lot of you and when the friend date ended and you had a blast even with your secret guilt for being away promised to do it more often because it was really fun and “we really should spend more time together”. We both know though it’ll be six months to a year before you do it again and you use the excuse that life is different now and that’s ok.

I have moms come into my studio all the time that eventually drop off even though they love classes because mom is the first person to sacrifice time and attention. It’s heartbreaking to watch because you can see this amazing chick sacrificing something she really loves and is thriving with. But we over schedule our kids with sports and activities and yes ladies that needs to stop! Your child doesn’t need to do two sports a season on top of everything else you’ve got them into and it’s time to nip that in the bud. Kids need to be kids and have down time. They also need to learn an important lesson on self care and you are their first teacher. Learning to balance my time and identity as a woman with my time with my daughter and being a mom is one of the greatest lessons I’ve taught her and I know this because she’s told me. From me, she’s learned to go after what you want and that it’s important to have goals that are your own. She learned that building friendships and having hobbies that bring joy and pleasure are necessary and that self care is a priority. In fact, I’m writing this very blog sitting in a bubble bath with sexy music on and a mimosa on Christmas Day and I dint feel bad. Why? Cause I wanted some me time and guess what she’s doing? She’s painting because that’s her thing and plans to take a bubble bath later too because she feels like it. Yes she’s an adult now but this has been something after my wild child phase that she saw regularly. I give her quality time and always have but I’ve also given myself time and attention. I may not be perfect at it always but I’m a hell of a lot better then I used to be.

Having a daughter it was key to teach her to put herself first and for those that have sons it’s critical to teach them that as a woman your needs are equal to and as important as any males. That’s how we breakdown these ideas that keep women down in society. Teach your kids and your partner what you need matters and for the love of god stop apologizing for it!